"The cameras were licking up the image of his body, were recording his every movement and noiselessly hurling them into millions of TV screens scattered throughout the world . . . Television reflected only people's surfaces; it also kept peeling their images from their bodies until they were sucked into the caverns of their viewers' eyes, forever beyond retrieval, to disappear.
"[He] became only an image for millions of real people. They would never know how real he was, since his thinking could not be televised."
-- Jerzy Kosinski, from the book Being There, 1970.
As someone who does not watch TV, the opportunity to appear on TV
and talk about why I don't watch TV was an experience too unusual
to pass up. When Heather Muir, associate producer of the late-night talk show
"Because
I Said So with Maggie Cassella" emailed me on May 5, 2003 I was initially
going to turn down the offer. She had seen the TurnOffYourTV.com website and
wanted to put together a program entitled: "Required Viewing: Do you need
to watch television in order to fit into society?" She offered to fly me
up to Toronto, Canada for the filming in front of a "live studio audience"
the evening of May 14.
My first reaction was not to go. After all, I had no interest in ever appearing on television. I don't watch TV and I don't like TV. I don't think I have ever seen any late-night talk shows; in fact, I really haven't watched any talk shows at all. I've never watched Oprah Winfrey or Jay Leno or any of the others (whose names I don't even know). I watched a number of episodes of David Letterman back in the late 1980s, but that's about it. But after thinking it over and talking with some friends, I decided to that it would be an interesting experience. As a critic of television, why not go behind the scenes and get in front of the camera? Maybe that would increase my understanding of the medium.
After talking with Heather on the phone, I got the sense that this was not a Jerry Springer or Morton Downey Jr. style scream-a-thon. "Because I Said So" sounded thoughtful and civilized and I was assured that was was not going to be attacked on the air as some kind of non-TV-watching freak. She said my thoughts and ideas would get heard and discussed. Heather also promised an all-expense-paid trip with limo service between the airport, hotel and studio.
So I went. Overall, my treatment throughout the two-day-trip was outstanding. The network provided round-trip airfare from Philadelphia to Toronto, limo service, one night stay in a 5-star hotel in downtown Toronto, and $100 spending money for the day. Everybody treated me with respect and appreciated my presence on the program. Though I feel watching television is a complete waste of one's time -- people are people -- and the people who produce "Because I Said So" were wonderful.
I flew up in the morning and spent the day walking around Toronto. I visited the Hockey Hall Of Fame and saw the Stanley Cup Trophy (since that's as close as a Philadelphian will probably get -- the Flyers are coming off another disappointing season -- but that's a whole other discussion).
The limo picked
me up at 7 pm and took me to the Chum City building. I was greeted by Heather
and the host, Maggie Cassella, and then was given a makeup treatment. The makeup
artist, Julie, explained that everyone on television has makeup
-- men, women, pets, everyone. Julie did a great job of smoothing
out my skin and hiding my blemishes. She said that makeup was needed for a number
of reasons, the most important to stop the lights from reflecting off the face
and giving a shiny look. On television, shiny skin looks like sweat. Now my
skin is far from "perfect," but on television, it looked great. Unfortunately,
Julie couldn't do anything about my slight bald spot and receding hairline.
After makeup, I was given a tour of the Chum City building. The Chum City building
is part of the Chum Limited media
empire. Chum Television International operates 29 radio stations, eight local
television stations and 17 specialty channels. These include MuchMusic and MuchMoreMusic
(the Canadian music television network), SexTV, FashionTV, Bravo!, BookTV, CourtTV,
SpaceTV and many others. "Because I Said So" appears on the Citytv
Toronto local station and is part of the Star!
Entertainment Station. According to the station's website, Star! is available
to 9.1 million people in Ontario, Canada and 2.4 million people outside Ontario.
A Chum City employee named Pasquale graciously took me around the station. There were televisions everywhere! There were televisions on the floor, suspended from the ceiling, on rolling carts, behind desks, inside bookshelves -- everywhere I turned there was a TV screen. Most of the them were turned on and tuned into one of the many Chum Television channels. This was television heaven. There was even a television shrine: apparently part of the television museum also operated by the company. MuchMusic and FashionTV seemed to make sense. However, the oxymorons SexTV and BookTV made me wonder. Sex and reading are two activities I do not associate with television. In fact, I would hope that anyone having sex or reading a book do so with the television OFF!
After the tour, I was lead to studio for taping. The host, Maggie, warned me that "If you change your position, I'll kill you!" I told her not to worry. Along with Maggie, I would appear on the program with two well-known Canadian TV personalities, Erica Ehm, the first host of MuchMusic, and Michelle McCree, a film reviewer on CBC's "Play" and host of W's "The Right Fit." I met Erica and Michelle and found them intelligent and obviously comfortable with appearing on television. While we talked, the audience was being "warmed up." A young girl would run around the studio and get the audience to clap -- the louder they clapped, the faster she would run. "Because I Said So" is filmed in what is called live-to-tape. It is filmed like a half-hour program complete with commercial breaks. It is then shown the next day.
Overall, I felt an intensity from everyone involved with producing the show. Having a high energy level probably results in better television.
Maggie begins
the show with: "TV or not TV? That is the question. Do you need to
watch TV to fit into society? Our first guest would have you kill your television.
His website TurnOffYourTV.com has been running for seven years. And the man
watches no TV. So here's the man who wants to get us to turn off our TV sets.
Please welcome, Ron Kaufman."
Applause. I walk out.
One of the hardest parts of taping the show was always being aware of the time
constraints. One of the points I made during the program was that my entire
philosophy and viewpoints of why someone should not watch TV could never come
across in that format. The medium itself works against me. In the half-hour
show, with commercials, sharing screen time with three other people, and audience
questions, I probably got 5 to 7 minutes of total speaking time. I had to do
what television does: condense all my thoughts into a series of little sound
bites. There are many ways to get information-- radio, the world wide web, newspapers,
magazines, newsletters, email lists, Internet newsgroups, other people -- and
all of them are capable of presenting more detail than television. I think the
TV viewing audience was able get the idea that "this guy hates television,"
but there was no way they could really understand the depth of my analysis.
It wasn't that I was nervous or stuttered in front of the camera, in fact, I
think my conversations on the show were quite smooth. Television is simply incapable
of conveying deep thoughts. 
Upon viewing the program (the producer sent me a tape a few weeks after it aired), I thought I was able to get my message across even in the sound bite format. Watching myself on TV, however, was kind of strange. One of the annoying habits that I have came across crystal clear on television: I think before I speak. This was a lesson my parents taught me when I was young. I think before I open my mouth to talk. However, this pause did not look good on TV. Whenever I was asked a question, I would pause for a moment and then speak. On TV, that pause was like an eternity. This was precious air time that I was spending thinking! Corporations spend millions for valuable seconds to advertise their products on television -- and there I was, on TV, thinking. Thinking does not look good on television. My friends who saw the show on tape said I sounded intelligent and I got some positive email from viewers in the Toronto area who saw the appearance. So I guess I didn't look that bad. Maybe that's why so many people on TV sound like cookie-cutter cliches and use super-simple sound bites. They have to talk and talk and not think.
The other aspect of my appearance I noticed was that I kept straying from the show's topic. The topic was: "Do you need to watch TV in order to fit into society?" I kept talking about ways in which the medium of television was bad. However, this was my agenda. I wanted to expose the TV audience to a train of thought they probably have never heard. Nobody on television ever talks about not watching television. In fact, if you think about it, nobody on television ever talks about television at all. In essence, in the world of TV, TV does not exist. How many times have you seen characters on TV shows staring blankly at the TV? Probably never. If TV programs showed people in the unresponsive, TV-zombie state, this could be a negative message. My goal was to present the idea that TV watching is not a good use of one's time.
On the program, I did make the remark that TV is not real life. I don't watch TV, but still fit into society because the stories and events I talk about with others are real. My life is filled with real experiences, not silly quotes from Seinfield or MASH. My experience on this Toronto TV show was interesting and fun. And after all, isn't that the point?
© 2003 by Ron Kaufman
